Stupid crap you've done.

For me this is endless. Many of you have been involved in my antics or have heard them already, so let me know the retarded shit you have done.

I'll give this up now. When working at Opry Land a few people and I met there to go to a concert or something. The parking lot there was around 3 acres. We got back to the lot and I had to piss badly. Apperantly everyone else was aware of a little detail I wasn't. I picked out a car and whipped out my wang. As soon as I started to leak a very large and very crazy Jamacian lady popped up out of the back seat of the car with a fudging machete screaming at me. Scared the hell out of me by the way. She came out of the car and I started hopping around the car still with my wang out but now every hop I am pissing all over myself, cars, and crazy lady while my so called friends are laughing their asses off. See they knew that the crazy lady was in the car but failed to mention it to me. So I almost became wangless. Jamacians still freak me out.

i saw two guys urinate on a gas pump a few hours ago.

You are lucky to still be packing your wang.

Philip, me, Adam Eckhardt, and our buddy Squid were at a bar one night. We had too much to drink, we were leaving to go home, we walk out the back door and stumble upon an unlocked Robert Orr Sysco truck. Philip tells me to get the car and we ended up leaving with about 300lbs of pork. I also ended up with a construction barrel in my house that night. Good times.

I think one of the dumbest things I ever did was when I was 16. There was something wrong with my truck so I borrowed my dad's SUV and went shopping with a friend of mine. Of course I was a smoker back then and so was she. Well we're puffing away in the parent-mobile in adolescent-ignorant-bliss, sharing a cig and passing it back and forth between us. I don't know that we were keeping track of whose turn it was to ash but apparently some hot ash dropped during a pass and neither of us noticed.

When my dad went to drive the car and he put the seat back to where he could drive (cuz I'm short) he noticed this FAT burn in the upholstry of the floor board right between the seats. He asked me about it. What do I come up with but the MOST lame story. I told him that while we were at the bank that some teenage boys in the lane next to us had flicked cigarettes at us and one must have gotten in the car. He didn't buy the story. I had to write an apology, a promise that I would never smoke again (yeah right), and a report on the dangers of cigarette smoking. How terrible is that!?!


Another genius moment I had again happened when I was 16 and was driving down a curvy gravel road. I swear I was going the speed limit but I still lost control of my truck and fishtailed. I over-corrected and went off the road through a barbed wire fence. It kicked up so much dust that I didn't see the paint damage and thought "if I can just get home, no one will know". So, unable to find the original hole in the fence, I turn around in the field and prepare to plow back out through the barbed wire and merrily make my way home. Well, I as come out through the fence, what happens? I hit another truck. OH GOD THE EMBARASSMENT!! The police were definitely involved at this point. Imagine having to tell them why you're suddenly flying out of a field like the effing Dukes of Hazard!
And to add the cherry to the cake, earlier that month I had come home and smashed right into our garage door. I think my parents were thinking about kiling me at that point.

Heather - that is HILARIOUS! I'm laughing so hard I'm crying...

I totally do not remember you doing that! Did you even tell anyone you drove through the fence and hit a truck? I mean, obviously besides your parents?

What did your parents do to you and what happened with the cops?

DBaker wrote:

What did your parents do to you and what happened with the cops?

Well, the guy who owned the field had apparently had this happen before and was pressing the cops to give me a ticket. one of them "walked" my skid trail and it seems you can guage the speed of the car by doing this and he said I was definitely not speeding. The owner was still pissed and the horses in the field weren't happy either. The cops chose not to write me a ticket. I can't remember what happened with my parents. I think I got threatened a lot though.

I was laughing hard at this one too!

What was the locale of this accident, or what town was it near?
In return for the answer to this question, I will advance a car wreck story all my own.

When I was going downtown to hang out at a club in Nashville (back in "those days"), I was on the way back home with another guy I had taken along with me. We were just going around, then came to a blinking red light. I slowed but did not stop. Collided with a guy in a truck. We both screamed, glass broke, metal twisted, but I checked Will and he was OK.

So I got out of the car to exchange insurance info. The guy got out of the truck, and said "You all okay?" To which I reply yes but before I can finish that word he gets in the truck and ditches the scene. Apparently he didn't want to stick around for the cops and all that so I did that. I got us a cab, leaving my wallet empty, and dropped Will off at his aunt and uncle's. A few weeks later my bruises were healing and he joined up with the military.

the locale was in Goodlettsville on Jackson Rd. You used to be able to access Caldwell Lane off Long Hollow Pike from there as a short-cut to the park if you didn't want to go up to the light. The road no longer accesses Caldwell and it's only for residents of that road. I guess there were just too many wrecks.

Now that Evan has joined the family i'll tell this one.
We were roomates for a bit at TSU. Its not very easy to live on that campus. Very loud bass busting through the walls got old quick. Also the assholes that stole all the toilet paper and shower curtins on the fist day. To get a little revenge we cut a very small hole in the screen of our window and would cut the lights so noone could look in. I brought a couple of blow guns in and we would pelt the hell out of people with jelly beans and paintballs. It was my favorite time from college. Seeing people run around screaming about getting stung still makes me laugh.

I semi recently pulled a gun on a cop. I think it scared him as much as it did me. Som bitches should identify themselves when they knock on the door though.

Did anyone ever notice that the Goodpasture School flag went missing from its pole in 97? Just curious.

Did anyone notice the American flag go missing from JP2 in 2001?

Before we could leagelly drive Allen,Adam, and I decided that as long as we didn't drive on the road it was ok. I got the keys to Allens grandmothers old car. We took off through his yard doing do-nuts and basically tearing his yard all to hell. I remember at one point his grandmother came out and yelled at us for going to fast.(Not hey what the hell are you idiots doing driving my car around the yard, but Your going to fast) I quickly devised a game we could play. I called it how close we can get to that tree without hitting it. We started at the edge of the neighbors yard and floored it and slammed on the brakes and slid towards the tree. As any one knows no game is really fun unless someone gets hurt. My final attempt I braked really late and plowed into the tree. Adam and another guy in the backseat flew up into the front and Allen ended up wedged between the windshield and dashboard. It was excellent(I had a seatbelt so no worries.) Dented the shit out of the car so we decided we better stop and try to beat the dent out before Allens dad got home. We failed at fixing the dent and figured we would take the heat from dad. Allens dad rolls in goes and looks at the car, looks at us, looks around the yard and goes What the f*u%k did you assholes do to my yard. No worries about the car or our well being but he was pissed about the yard

Ahh...good times.

I think I could fill a book with stories like this. If I posted everything, I would break the site.


DJ Deshon, Michael Cobb and I were out driving around on the back roads of Millersville/Goodlettsville getting high. Cobb was the only one of us that could drive, so I am going to say we were 15/16 yrs old. Just some punk kids with nothing to do. So we start bashing mailboxes. We'd done this a few times before and decided to bring an audio tape recorder with us. Early in the evening we hit record, place the recorder on the dashboard and go about with our night. We spend an hour or so cruising the back roads, beating some mailboxes, smoking, talking and what not. The cool thing about those back roads is you can get lost, but if you keep going you will eventually get somewhere familiar. Well, at this certain point of the evening, we didn't know which exact road we were on. I got out of the car to attack a mailbox. I hit it several times and after 6 or so hits the porch light of this house comes on and a guy walks out in a robe. Cobb screams "Dude came out side!" I jump in the car and Cobb takes off down the street like a bat out of hell. DJ is in the back seat laughing. After a few moments I tell Cobb he needs to slow down. He says, "Bullshit, all he has to do is jump in his car." Because we are semi-lost we don't know that we are on a dead end road. A few more moments pass and we top a small hill in the road. Once we get over the hill the road makes a near 90 degree angle to the left. Cobb hits the breaks. We fly of the road screaming bloody murder; plowing through a fire hydrant, a fence and ending up in a field. Cobb throws the car in reverse but the fence is stuck under the car and we can't move. Not good. Then, as if things couldn't get worse, a car pulls up and stops where we left the road. We are standing there like deer in headlights. We are busted. A guy gets out of the car and walks up to us, he is wearing a robe; it's the guy whose mailbox I was wailing on. He walks straight up to me, obviously pissed off and says, "Was that you F'ing around in front of my house?" I look him in the eyes, hesitate and say, "Yeah." The guy stands there for a few moments, looking at me and observing the scene. No doubt thinking of how he was going to ruin my life. Then he says, "You guys are high aren't you?" I don't remember actually admitting we were, but it must have been obvious to him. We were SO busted. But then something happened. ..The guy turned cool... He says, "You know man, don't worry about the mailbox. My landlord will pay for it.” “You should toss whatever you have on you though because the cops are coming.” Then he gets back in his car and leaves.
Later police arrive and a few homeowners come. We tossed our pipe and sack out in the woods and hid the baseball bat under some crap in the trunk. One of the homeowners told police we were being chased. But we said we weren’t and despite the skid marks on the road, there was nothing police could really do but make an accident report.
The next day at school Cobb walks up to me in the hall with a strange grin on his face. I ask, "What’s going on?" He reaches into his backpack and pulls out the audio tape recorder we had left on his dash. We play it and can hear everything clearly. We still have that tape to this day.

True Story.
.
.

I would pay money to hear that tape. Great story.