Randomly Funny Parenting Junk

Subject: Randomly Funny Parenting Junk Tue Apr 15, 2008 12:11 am

So I'm sure those of you with little ones have all got some great stories under your belt and Hurley won't leave me alone until I have shared this one with the masses. Let this get the ball rolling on your best and most embarrasing parental moments...

You know how you can only read the same kid's book so many times before your brain stops actually reading each word and more glosses over and fills in the gaps? It's something like how you stop reading the music and just play once you've rehearsed the same song 50 times. Anyway, there's that classic ankle biter's favorite, Guess How Much I Love You, and it is pretty irresistible so we've read it like a thousand times.

So there we were in the Dr's office…6 or so kids with nothing to do but wait and sniffle and me with a copy of this book. As I start reading it aloud to my kids, others start to gather round and I just take on the role of Mother Goose to all these poor feverish and hacking little souls.

I finish the book and, while still basking in the warm fuzzy feeling that comes with reading a book about cute little bunnies to kids who's own mommies don't really seem to care much for anything but their own lattes, I hear a kids tell his mom, "I thought that rabbit's name was Little Nutbrown Hare." In my head I'm thinking, "It is!" Then I think back to my reading. I can hear my own voice in my head clear as day saying, "Then LITTLE BROWN NUT HAIR…!" Oh my gosh! Did I really just say Little Brown Nut Hair 20 times in a row in front of these kiddos? I think I did! Sure, they didn't notice how raunchy that is but what about the receptionist? The triage nurse? The latte sippers? I might as well have just yelled, "PENIS!!!!" across the hospital. I could have died!

Suddenly sure that some adult there must have heard me and laughed to themselves about that woman with way too many kids and obviously no self control (which is the joke in our neighborhood) who is so gutter-minded as to change the name of a classic kid's character into this perverse Little Brown Nut Hair, I felt betrayed by the author. Who is this person who gives innocent little bunnies names so easily confused with such filth? Curse be on her where ever she is! May her publishing company dump her and all her cute little nutbrown hares be forgotten to gather dust in the annals of obviously twisted children's literature!

Subject: Re: Randomly Funny Parenting Junk Tue Apr 15, 2008 7:57 am

I love that story. No one corrected you not even the kids thats the best part.
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The world is going crazy, I am just cutting in line.

Subject: Re: Randomly Funny Parenting Junk Tue Apr 15, 2008 5:19 pm

An annoyance for me.
I wanted nothing to do with being in room when my wife was giving birth. We cut a deal though and I was allowed to bring my Gameboy and Playstation as long as I stayed in the room. During the birthing process I did glance over to see what all the damn screaming inturupting my game play was and saw the most disgusting sight that I have ever seen. The head of a living being coming out of the mommy parts of another living being. It still haunts me.

Izzy came out and everything gets quite while waiting for the cry. The nurse stops dead in her tracks and very loudly says OH MY GOD. Now I am interested and like oh my God what finish the damn senetence, and she did. OH MY GOD....IT LOOKS JUST LIKE HIM. With the long drawn out him like mabye she was talking about some one other than me so now I am saying WHO, WHO DOES IT LOOK LIKE. She looks at me like I kicked her in the head and says, YOU, SHE LOOKS JUST LIKE YOU.

What the hell lady I know I can't be in movies or anything but she was freaking like Alien just gave birth to predator. She tried to cover with the I've just never seen a resembalance this strong crap but talk about feeling like crap. Not only am I a freak I just created the next generation freak. I guess its good that the Olivia looks like mom.
_________________
The world is going crazy, I am just cutting in line.

Subject: Re: Randomly Funny Parenting Junk Wed Apr 16, 2008 9:35 am

I am laughing sooo hard at that one Hurley!

Subject: Re: Randomly Funny Parenting Junk Wed Apr 16, 2008 10:56 am

Dude, they all look like little aliens to start. When they get older the problem becomes looking attheir old toddler pictures and saying to yourself, "Really? I totally thought they were the cutest thing in the world back then, even though they were goiing through that [/i]so ugly only a mother could love them stage? Then you think to yourself thank goodness thy outgrew that![i]

Subject: Re: Randomly Funny Parenting Junk Wed Apr 16, 2008 1:46 pm

Ditto Skyla
It's hard to believe how much they change. My youngest looks like a sumo wrestler right now.

Subject: Re: Randomly Funny Parenting Junk Wed Apr 16, 2008 3:14 pm

Return of diaper head.
_________________
The world is going crazy, I am just cutting in line.

Subject: Re: Randomly Funny Parenting Junk Wed Apr 16, 2008 11:19 pm

I've gotta second that nurse. With the diaper on the head, the resemblence is astounding. affraid

Subject: Re: Randomly Funny Parenting Junk Fri Apr 18, 2008 11:05 am

My little one was born 7 weeks early so she was really tiny and had to stay in the Neo-natal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) for 2 weeks before I could bring her home at a glorious and hefty 4lbs 4oz.

When they're born early they're still covered in the fine hair that they have in the womb called lanugo. Well my munchkin had a lot of it on her face but it was really light in color. She had lost most of it before I brought her home. Well, I understood what it was and so did my mom.

Imagine my surprise when my sister approaches me one day when my daughter was about 3 weeks old and asked if Jubilee was ever going to lose the hair on her face. (my sis is 3 yrs older than me). I looked at her and said "of course. it'll go away when she gains more weight, maybe a few more weeks." Kristen sighed with relief and said "thank God. I was not looking forward to taking her to her first lip waxing."

Subject: Re: Randomly Funny Parenting Junk Fri Apr 18, 2008 1:21 pm

I almost forgot about this. My kid had problems with potty training. Probably because she was a preemie. I cut her some slack over the issue. So she would get these absolutely wretched "diaper" rashes. She would complain "my booty hurts".

Even now sometimes, if she doesn't wipe good after she poops she'll complain that her "booty" hurts. And the most hilarious thing is when she complain that "my booty hurts. it has a crack in it."

How do you respond to that?!? I mean really! I've tried "it's supposed to have a crack in it". I feel so stupid having this conversation with her. I've even resorted to saying "gramma's booty has a crack and nanu's booty has a crack. everyone's booty has a crack!" (she calls my sister nanu)

The other week she was back to complaining about her crack in her booty and I finally just nudged down the back of my pants a little so she could see the top of my crack and said "LOOK! MOMMY'S BOOTY HAS A CRACK TOO!" "OH NO!"

(I really can't believe I just told y'all this)

Subject: Re: Randomly Funny Parenting Junk Fri Apr 18, 2008 9:53 pm

I was reading all of these & they is so funny! Skyla, your little brown nut hair story is hilarious! All of us with kids know that anything can happen and don't ever think that it won't happen cause chances are they will! My husband and I have had so much crazy stuff happen.
Once we were eating in Subway and it was when we only had our oldest daughter, Alyssa. We were sitting at the table and this rough looking guy sits down beside us at the next table to eat. Gosh, I think Alyssa was like 5 or 6. Well anyway, she looks at the guy and told him "your ugly!" My husband and I looked at each other like, I cant believe she said that! Then my husband told her: No Alyssa, you don't say things like that to people! I was so embarrassed I didn't know what to do! I apologized to the man and he said that his mom might think the same thing cause he hadn't shaved in a while. It looked like more than 'a while.' So we hurried up and finished our food, apologized to him once more and left. I felt so bad for that guy.

Subject: Re: Randomly Funny Parenting Junk Sat Apr 19, 2008 11:10 pm

I have a similar story.
My oldest demon and I were at a store not to long ago. The little demon is a fan of Sponge Bob and therefore any thing oceanic. In the aisle that we were in was a man with a bandanna covering her head and a patch over one eye.(you see where this is going) I took the man for an old biker. My demon however didn't. She started screaming "Daddy its a pirate, and he only has one eye and he is ugly. Don't let the pirate man get me." It was at that point that I was so glad I carry a gun anywhere I go(its my American Express card). Lucky for the biker and I guess for me he laughed and went all pirate voice on her and she loved it.
_________________
The world is going crazy, I am just cutting in line.

Subject: Re: Randomly Funny Parenting Junk Sun Apr 20, 2008 11:00 am

Yeah, Hannah Jane was totally fuzzy. Her hairline went all the way down to her eyebrows like a little turantula. I was sure we were going to have to drop a ton in electrolysis bills. But luckily it all fell out.

Did any of you take a nursing class before the little ones were born? That's big here. Anyway, in mine they passed aroung this baby doll and a big stuffed boob so you could postition the baby on it correctly. I dropped the toy boob and it rolled on to some prospective dad's foot and he handed it back to me all pink in the cheeks. There's something about exchanging a toy boob with a total stranger that made that trip to the midwife feel more like a trip to the adult store.

Subject: Re: Randomly Funny Parenting Junk Mon Apr 21, 2008 10:06 am

We went to some BS class called something like "birthing" or "labor and parenting". They showed videos and had the girls put a clothes pin on one ear for a full minutes to "simulate" the pain of childbirth. I giggled through the whole clothes pin ordeal which made everyone look at me like I was crazy and threw a few of the men into giggles.

The instructor told me if I could laugh through that, than labor would be a breeze. Unfortunately I didn't get to go through labor due to complications and had an emergency C-section 7 weeks early. I really did want to experience labor too. The really crazy thing was that I was getting about 2 ultrasounds a day for a week and I still didn't know I was having a girl until she was born. She was very "modest". Always had those ankles crossed and still does.

Subject: Re: Randomly Funny Parenting Junk Mon Apr 21, 2008 10:11 am